Losing Passion and Feeling Stuck

Its just another day where I feel like my life is falling apart. I started working for the first time in a while; but really can I even call it working when all it does is make me feel like i'm dying inside. A job shouldn't make me feel like my life isn't worth keeping. But I guess that's what happens when you need to make money to support yourself. I started working for a photography studio and I have to say it's not my favorite thing in the world to do.

There's so much that I could say about the job but I can't currently as alot of it has to do with how women are being treated at the company. But that will be for another blog posting one day when I decide to leave this position. I can't tell you how much pain i've been in mentally at this job; hence my passion for photography has started to fade away as Ive dug deeper into this studio. It just feels like my whole career is going down the drain but at the same time I love what I do just not for studio work.

I'm meant for all other different types of photography work just not studio work; the experience is great but the sexist, misogynistic and idiotic comments have to stop. Even if I've stood up for myself it still happens and it makes me feel like I can't be myself. I'm all about individuality and I don't think I can ever work for a place that doesn't embrace that. But anyway getting back to doing concert photography for a band over the weekend at Odetah campground (10-8-2022) has really shown me what I'm meant for. Tour photography has always been a dream of mine and I know maybe one day I'll be able to get there.

On another note; I've been feeling stuck lately. The writers block is real and I'm not so sure how to get back to writing about my passions without feeling like life isn't worth it at times. I guess I can start there and write about how poorly my mental health has taken a turn. On the bright side I got another job at Spirit Halloween and I start soon. I think this is probably one of the best jobs I've had in a while because its like destressing from what's causing me stress. I hope that working 2 jobs at the same time doesn't overwhelm me so much. I honestly don't know how people do it. I get overwhelmed after 1 hour working at the photography studio and I don't even get breaks!

The one big thing that I'm really looking forward to soon is that I get to see Motionless in White in over a month and 7 days. I honestly cant wait because that's going to be another huge moment for me. I seriously need to write about that in a blog too when it comes time or do a concert review. But its not just motionless in white either; its a trio of bands (plus their opening act) and I get to see them for the second time. I actually didn't get to see Ice Nine Kills the last time I went because I left after motionless performed to beat traffic but this time I'm not driving so its a plus! I can't wait to take photos and videos of them performing and this time I was able to buy VIP with my own money which is such a plus and so worth it.

Even though I don't get to meet MIW; I still got barricade at the show, a free shirt and a laminate for the VIP I bought. So to me its worth it. One day Ill get to meet them and hopefully take photos for/of them.

On another note; I'm just taking things day by day because one day when I save up enough money I'll be able to get more photography equipment and will be able to take even better photos (and maybe just maybe get to take photos of my favorite band in the whole world). There will eventually be a blog just about MIW and certain members of the band that have changed my life for the better because they deserve to get recognized for how gracious and generous they are. I can't tell you guys how important this band is to me. They've really helped me open up about how I feel and taught me how to be vulnerable with myself.

A Great person once said "Cause If you mean it; you will make it" and that's something I will NEVER forget.