Pressured to the point of no return

Why do parents feel the need to think that they know what's best for us. Don't they see that we're trying; we're trying to break the cycle of what they created for us. The trauma. The pain. The tears that come out of my eyes when all I want to do is crawl in a hole and die (speaking metaphorically; as if im dying inside).

Sometimes it just feels overwhelming and its hard to do what you want to do with your life when all you hear in your head is "Get a frickin job" "Posting on Social media isn't a real job" etc. Don't parents see that the new generation doesn't want to sit behind a frickin desk all day and cry themselves to sleep. It's not healthy. It feels like a burden and i'm tired of it.

If college taught me one thing; it taught me that sitting behind a desk and working my ass off will never be good enough. It's not about your academics or if you get honors; it's about the way that you interact with people and communicate, and how you treat other individuals. I feel as if I will never be good enough regardless of what I do; regardless if I bring home money, or speak my mind. Nothing ever seems to change.

But isn't change something we need to evolve in this messed up world. It makes you question if our parents will ever see that the evolution of working has evolved in so many ways. Even though social media may not exactly be the best route; that's how we expose ourselves and what we love doing to the world (that could be dancing, singing, photography, videography, etc). How else are we suppose to get ourselves out there? Newspapers aren't even trending anymore. If you walk up to someone and say you're a photographer; people don't believe you or think that you're scamming them.

I feel pressured to do something that's not even for me. I can't find a simple job because I dont want to be behind a desk all day; I want to be on my feet; and even if i want to be on my feet there's not many jobs around here that allow you to work in the field without experience. I'd honestly just love to travel and leave everything behind and live in nature with my thoughts while staring into the dark abyss of what consumes my mind. (That could be a song lyric hmmm; motionless in white hit me up)

Sometimes it even feels like im drowning in my thoughts; to the point of where I feel like my life isn't worth it. But for some reason I keep going. I keep going for the Motionless in White Concert that I get to see in April; I keep going for my cat; I keep going for my best friend (whom i can't live without), I keep going for traveling, and all the little things. I keep going for him. God, I keep going for the hope that I could have an opportunity with him even though he works in the entertainment industry.

Maybe I'll even have the chance of working with him and the band one day who knows. Life gives you the most unexpected moments when you dont even realize it. Who knows where i'll be in the next 5 years. 10? 15? Maybe one day things will get better. Life is just a dream when you don't love reality.

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